I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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