No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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