Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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