My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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