I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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