when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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