You work out of a Hotel?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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