If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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