dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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