ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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