there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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