Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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