3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize