I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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