The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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