There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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