Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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