you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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