man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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