Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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