Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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