Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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