your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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