Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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