Already got asked if we're dating
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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