Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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