I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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