My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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