She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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