the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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