I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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