I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize