That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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