I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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