Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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