one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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