Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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Who died my cat blue again?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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