i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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