people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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