i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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