a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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