On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize