I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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