Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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