I can feel you judging me through the phone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize