i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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