Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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