Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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