i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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