I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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